Learning to live with and without…

“Mum! Mum! There’s a problem!”

Youngest son burst into the lounge and I wondered what catastrophe had befallen us now. From the tone of his voice this was obviously a serious emergency.

“The door handle on the fridge is broken.”

My first irrational but fleeting thought was, “oh no now we need a new fridge!” 

On inspection the handle itself is easily removable so it stands to reason I can order a new one on the internet. 

Fridge handles are interchangeable so fridge door can be opened either way to suit the kitchen space. We have a large fridge and freezer next to each other with door handles together in the centre like a huge white wardrobe with yoghurts and fish fingers inside.

This “incident” happened a month ago and the door handle is still hanging on by its top screw alone but as it still works I haven’t bothered to order a new one. There are more important things I would rather spend my time doing, checking my blog stats and updating my facebook page!

Oh how different things would have been had Andrew still been around!

Yesterday my gardener had her first visit of the year.

“We really should remove that dead tree. I have a bow saw now, so I’ll do it next time.”

“OK.” I agreed, not really caring either way.

“It doesn’t look that good.”

I suppose she has a point, it is on the corner as you drive in and it does seem a shame to have a dead tree in the middle of a tidy patch, not the best feature for a potential buyer to spot on a crucial viewing.

But I no longer notice it. Just like the wonky fridge door handle it is something I have got used to and accept.

Not everything is quite as simple.

Year two of being a widow is in some ways more challenging. I think the peaks and troughs are far more defined, I can’t remember my moods being so erratic last year. I was far more worried about getting things done.

Now I live with imperfection quite happily, taking the attitude I’ll do that tomorrow. Nothing is as urgent as it once seemed. Minor inconveniences are of little consequence in the grand scheme of all we’ve lost.

Some things I am learning to live with and some things I am learning to live without.